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Joke of the Day
"*tweets about new invisibility cloak invention* *forgets where he left it*"
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"""I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others""- The phrase that started Facebook"
"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."
"[genie emerges from his lamp] Master, what is thy [he sees me on the bed pointing at the remote like 3ft away] Are u kidding me"
"Why being gay is a serious issue? Because men are fucking asshole"
"I dream of a world without war, without poverty and without girls who post sexy selfies with unrelated inspirational quote captions."
"A Moment of Silence Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat."
"Fairy tales My granddaughter asked me, ""Do all fairy tales begin with ""Once upon a time?"" I said, no, some begin with ""If elected, I promise to........................"""
"Why do American tourists talk so loudly? So that they can hear each other over their clothes"
"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs You'll find me in my lab"