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Joke of the Day

"I went to the zoo the other day and the only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih tzu."

"What's a vampire's favorite fruit. Neck-tarine"

"I won a waterfight with the local kids at the park. No ones a match for me and my kettle!"

"I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse. Ba dum tiss"

"It may seem like I have my shit together, but honestly I just learned how to spell February correctly."

"I once borrowed a pro-life campaigner's laptop. The desktop was filled with accidentally-created New Folder icons."

"If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends."

"When sitting in traffic behind a good looking gal, ill rear-end her gently to see if I can ignite a romantic comedy."

"Apparently ""I'll break your god damn legs"" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway."

"I like to refer to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as... ...""Keeping up with the Cardassians"" -&y"