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Joke of the Day

"I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse. Ba dum tiss"

"[Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download..."

"A family walk into a hotel, the father walks up to the counter and says ""I hope the porn is disabled"" The clerk replies "" its just regular porn you sick fuck!"""

"Walk up in the club like ""hey do you have to buy anything to use the bathroom?"""

"Beer without alcohol is like a vibrator with no batteries... It fills you up nicely but lacks the buzz..."

"What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien? One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears"

"What do the janitors clean the Reddit office with? Derpentine."

"A guy walks into a bar... He said ""ouch."""

"The biggest flaw with the new Apple iCar Is installing windows."

"*BUSTS DOWN DOOR* *Fires off jokes* *Kidnappers helpless in laughter* ""..and that's how your granpappy saved baby Jesus."" - Me, someday"