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Joke of the Day

"I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse. Ba dum tiss"

"Is there anything better than a good ol pat on the back.. to help you get out that last stubborn turd lodged up your sphincter?"

"Ok..I get it now..When you spoke in a normal voice it was unclear what you meant but once you screamed the identical words it all made sense"

"What's brown and sticky A brown stick"

"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"

"Are you a psychic porn star? Because you're blowing my mind"

"I've been waking up with a headache for years Unfortunately I'm married to it."

"What do you call the hair of a centaur? Humane."

"What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take? Polaroids."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of negative one hundred A perfect ten, but imaginary"