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Joke of the Day

"I once borrowed a pro-life campaigner's laptop. The desktop was filled with accidentally-created New Folder icons."

"My parents once sent me abroad for the summer I didn't learn a thing from her."

"Hubs: There's nothing on TV *winks* Me: Remember last time? *both look at 2yo* Hubs: There's over 900 channels, we'll find something"

"A Priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar... he orders a drink."

"The Nationwide commercial didn't make me feel anything but I once dropped my chicken nuggets and cried for an hour and forty minutes."

"Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL. But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver."

"This guy at my work fell into the upholstery machine today. Don't worry, hes fully recovered."

"A man enters a store and says: ""15 litres of wine please."" ""Did you bring a container for this?"" ""You're speaking to it."""

"-Does it have apples in it? -No. -What about pine? -No pine either. -Perfect, we'll call it a pineapple."

"My signature sandwich is called ""Hamnesia"". I forget what's in it."