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Joke of the Day

"It may seem like I have my shit together, but honestly I just learned how to spell February correctly."

"90% of your body is water. 6% is delusion. 4% is lies."

"What's a holocaust denier's favorite month? July"

"Why can't Californians stop at stop signs? I don't know and this is not a laughing matter."

"HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance."

"When you are young you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team."

"Why did the french man put a bomb on his kitchen floor? Because he wanted to see Linoleum Blownapart."

"What symphony is a pedophiles favorite? Mozarts' Flute in A minor"

"What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall? A total attention whore."

"I went to a conference for leg less woman, that place was crawling with pussy."