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Joke of the Day

"Apparently ""I'll break your god damn legs"" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway."

"DA: Where r my legal briefs? Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!"

"I'm more likely to wear a donut on my wrist than any fitness tracker."

"Women are like potato chips They better come with my fucking sandwich"

"*tear runs down cheek ""Why are all these people dead on the inside?"" ""Sir, this is a morgue."""

"Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door."

"What do you call a twelve faced shape made out of genitals? A dodickahedron."

"I'm rubber, you're glue, we're both living a nightmarish existence as self-aware inanimate objects. Someone please kill us."

"Just bought gas for $1.32/gallon. Don't own a car but couldn't pass up the bargain."

"Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench... A man wearing a long raincoat approaches, opens it and flashes them. Two of the ladies immediately have a stroke. The third couldn't reach."