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Joke of the Day

"5 dicks So I was at a bar and couldn't help but notice the guy next to me was pissing with 5 dicks. I was like ""Krakens! How do those even fit in your pants?"" He replied ""They fit like a glove."""

"My signature sex move is flirting like a pornstar then getting awkward as fcuk once it looks like something could actually happen."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man!"

"What do you feed a feminist at a cookout? Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout."

"There's safety in numbers. Unless there's 6,000,000 of you. And you're all Jews."

"Why is my father so abusive? Beats me"

"In a perfect world a ""Party Pooper"" would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt."

"Dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower is the most violent sound ever. ""U OK in there? Sounds like a Michael Bay film in that bathroom!"""

"""We had unprotected sex. Give us a present."" -- the subtext of every baby shower"

"She wears short skirts I eat pizza She's cheer captain And I'm still eating pizza"