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Joke of the Day

"She wears short skirts I eat pizza She's cheer captain And I'm still eating pizza"

"Why do you have 0 viewers on Twitch? Because not even Nightbot is watching you."

"[at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* ""Sir, where are the fitting rooms?"" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*"

"If I ever have a stroke I'm going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke."

"Seems like /r/jokes likes puns about penises... Hey, I won't dick-scriminate."

"The ""eye for an eye"" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops."

"I only had one beer Cupcake Can i call you Cupcake? No?? Okay, I only had one beer Officer."

"bangs are just a poor woman's botox."

"You know how some dogs turn around several times before lying down and going to sleep? They must be watch dogs. That's how they unwind."

"What do you tell someone who constantly uses the word ""of"" instead of ""have""? Fuck of"