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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a ""Choose Your Own Adventure"" book about being in a Chinese family. No matter what page you turn to, you're never good enough"

"me: *buys condoms, tampons, lice shampoo, adult diapers, yeast infection cream, an enema and a pregnancy test* cashier: would u like a bag"

"Hostess:There's a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It'll be 43 min"

"Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery.... (wait for it).... But he decided to try to pass it."

"How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?"

"This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas... I think this time, we should let them in..."

"""sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?"" yes it was like a weird pancake"

"Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom? Because she's trans-parent"

"I shouldn't have said that. - Me. Whenever I talk."

"Him: Are you mad? Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: typing Her: No, I'm fine, why?"