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Joke of the Day
"I shouldn't have said that. - Me. Whenever I talk."
Next Joke
"Hey are you a slinky? Because you're not very useful, but always bring a smile to my face when pushed down the stairs."
"What do you get when you cross pasta with a snake? Spaghetti that winds itself around your fork."
"My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish."
"[calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today ""is everything alright?"" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no"
"My friends tell me that cooking is easy but it's not easier than not cooking."
"What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies"
"Why was John Lennon so ashy? Because he was cremated"
"The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob."
"Don't hate the player, play the player. They never see that coming."