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Joke of the Day
"I shouldn't have said that. - Me. Whenever I talk."
Next Joke
"WATER POLO INSTRUCTOR: ""Are you sure you know what you're doing?"" ME: [Adjusting the mask & snorkel on my horse] ""Of course I do."""
"How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?"
"God Plays Golf"
"My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her. It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home."
"Summing up my life in 5 words: 'I fail at maths'"
"What do you call Moby Dick when he washes up on a sandbar? A bleached whale!"
"A N U S B U T T M U F F ~ My reply when the optometrist asks me to read the lower lines, regardless of what I see"
"100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out."
"Why did 10 go missing? Because 9/11."