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Joke of the Day

"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."

"Double standards are the worst. I mean, one flag is enough."

"Spent over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond."

"Gift cards are another way of saying, don't spend this on dope."

"I just don't get the immigration issue... If they can't get Visas, then they should just apply for Mastercards."

"If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out."

"I can't wait to see the new movie, ""Constipation"" Unfortunately it hasn't come out yet."

"I know a husband and wife who were happy for a very long time and then they met."

"Polish Ice Hockey tragedy The whole team drowned during spring training"

"What does anal sex and broccoli have in common? If you're forced to try it as a kid.. you probably wont like it as an adult."