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Joke of the Day

"When I leave a plane, I tighten the belts before I leave so that whoever sits there next will think ""wow, whoever sat here was very thin""."

"I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect... ...but they fried me for no raisin."

"Have you heard of the Tempura House? It's a shelter for lightly battered women."

"Fool me once, fine by me. Fool me twice, jokes on you. I still don't give a fuck."

"I hate it when people make eye puns... It really makes me *lash* out sometimes"

"I obtained this username today. Apparently I'm the only one."

"Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash."

"She believed me when i said concentration camps were for people with Attention Deficit Disorder."

"The least offensive joke ever. The french military."

"The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty."