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Joke of the Day

"9: Mom, why are all those girls standing on their tiptoes? Me: Because they're ballet dancers 9: Why didn't they just get taller girls?"

"Toucan: Albanians kidnap Liam Neesons bird"

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised 7 blokes then dropped the microphone on his foot and said 'fuck me!' What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life"

"4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?"

"Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making ? Dad: Why is that what are you making ? Pupil: Mistakes !"

"why doctorates are better then MBBS, the pee HD"

"I inherited an Epipen My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it."

"The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says ""Happy Birthday"" and you say ""Thanks you too!"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Crete ! Crete who ? Crete to see you again !"