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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? Oh wait, I don't have a garage. Sorry neighbor I'll clean them out tomorrow."

"Why did John keep on finding cracker crumbs in his bed? His wife didn't know any decent crackers."

"What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say? I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight."

"a misunderstanding teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence? little johnny: my sister has ten buttons on her shirt but she can only fasten eight"

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"Part of me says, ""I can't keep drinking like this."" While another says ""Don't listen to her, she's drunk."""

"Dark humor is like a child with cancer, It never gets old."

"I hope this free massage guy from craigslist is on time."

"My phone doesn't auto capitalize the 'G' in god but it auto capitalizes the 'K' in Kevin. So now I worship Kevin."

"Subway must have introduced a new Genius feature, because they just suggested I might like a drink with my sandwich. I do. Nailed it."