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Joke of the Day

"wife: Would you ever want an open marriage? me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah"

"What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse A **stealthoscope**"

"Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless"

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?"

"Who do ghosts worship? Boo, DUH!!!"

"What happens when you mix a joke and a rhetorical question?"

"So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods... The boy says, ""hey mister its getting dark out and I'm scared"" The guy says, ""how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"""

"My toddler stole bacon off my plate. We all had a good laugh. Then I made her move out."

"What if Adele was calling from inside the house?!"