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Joke of the Day

"A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. Unless it's diabetes medicine."

"Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks."

"How do you know if a black person used your TV? It's not there anymore."

"Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny? Because the FDA just banned trans fats."

"White lies are fine. Don't tell a black lie though. Black lies matter."

"[impatiently yells] ""What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??"" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen."

"What does December have that other months dont have? The letter D."

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"i mute every grouptext cuz friendship is cool but also generally annoying"

"The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death."