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Joke of the Day

"[impatiently yells] ""What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??"" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen."

"What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin' Catholic"

"Parents: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Parents: Mom and dad. Me: Mom and dad who? Parents: Exactly, you're adopted son. ;'("

"What's the hardest thing about rollerskating? Telling your parents that you're gay."

"Another reason I find children so menacing are their tiny little teeth."

"If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started"

"How do you kill 10 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face."

"I would make a terrible Buddhist because I kill a lot of ants and drifters"

"I left my chamomile tea steeping for too long and it turned into the new Coldplay album."

"I had a race with an Asian today It was a Thai"