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Joke of the Day

"If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life."

"I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer."

"I was wrong about Hillary not having sufficient doctoring. Turns out she's surrounded by spin doctors."

"My girlfriend was really excited about squishing a spider.. I told her she was turning into a cold blooded killer.."

"I wish I could crowd surf to work."

"A Buddhist monk was on the streets of New York and he stopped at a hotdog stand. The vendor asks, ""what would you like on it?"" to which he replied,""Make me one with everything""."

"There's 2 cows in a paddock One says ""moo"" the other says ""damn, I was just about to say that."""

"there should be drug education for future nerds covering topics like ""chill out. take a drink"" & ""don't be the D.D. for people who hate you"""

"A zombie opened his frig for a snack. He looked at a human brain, but threw it away... ... it was expired."

"I'm afraid that my best friend is developing an addiction to brake fluid. I've called him out on it, but he says he can stop anytime."