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Joke of the Day

"I was wrong about Hillary not having sufficient doctoring. Turns out she's surrounded by spin doctors."

"What do you call a prepubescent rapist? ... a smooth criminal."

"People who make the fundamental attribution error... ...gonna attribute my hating to my being a hater."

"*ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when."

"A lot of people cry when chopping onions, but the trick.. ..is to not get emotionally attached."

"I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House."

"Me: Hey, I'm going to say a knock knock joke, but you have to start me off! Them: Okay.. knock knock Me: Who's there? Them: *confused silence*"

"Seems to me the guy who named sneakers was up to no good."

"Fortune teller told me that I will be fucked by a beautiful lady today, and damn he was right a pretty mail lady just handed me over an audit letter from IRS."

"How many chauvinistic male pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark."