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Joke of the Day

"The Fountain of Iniquity When your honest living has you worrying about pinching pennies, throw them into the wishing well and scoop up all the quarters."

"My plan to reduce shark attacks. Get them hooked on meth. Getting gummed by a toothless shark probably tickles."

"So we can send men to the moon, but we can't get a button that let's us edit a typo on a tweet after its been sent?"

"How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall. I'm sorry. This was just too wonderful to resist sharing."

"I was having trouble reverse parking... ...until I tried my back-up plan."

"I tried to catch some fog... I mist."

"So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod. Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list."

"Corn on the cob today is corn on the log tomorrow."

"Why don't women fart? They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure."

"Why reddit is a murderer. Because it killed me battery"