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Joke of the Day

"Michael J. Fox was in a car crash... ...a bystander ran up to check if he was ok. ""Yeah..."" Michael said ""I'm just a little shaken up"""

"student: may i use the bathroom? Teacher: as long as you can recite the alphabet. Student: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: wheres the p? Student: running down my leg."

"One obtuse angle says to the other, ""Oh man it's hot in here!"" The other one replies, ""Yeah, it's over 90 degrees!"""

"""14 years, 20 billion later and my team have finally finished building a Large Hadron Kaleidoscope."" ""You mean Collider?"" ""Oh shit!"""

"I could never commit suicide I just couldn't live with it..."

"This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again."

"Why did 11 eat 12? Cuz 12, 13, 14"

"Never cry for an onion that doesn't deserve you."

"How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away"

"My Girlfriend says if this gets 100 votes, We'll try anal. For God's sake, DON'T FUCKING VOTE! Her dildo is terrifying!"