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Joke of the Day

"The number of things that are *not* rocket science is staggering."

"Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling."

"Why was the tampon flying down the school hallway? He was late for his next period."

"Three stages of a man's life . . . . . Want to stand up Want to stand up Want to stand up"

"I like how McDonalds mixes the napkins in the to-go bag with the greasy food, so that even when I'm wiping my mouth I can get fatter."

"My roommate from California was homesick So I stole his water bottle to make him feel more at home."

"Congress looks like the worst group project ever."

"According to the CDC, the leading cause of death in 2016 was having a career in the 80's that brought you any level of fame"

"Me and my brother buried the hatchet last night! We dumped the hooker in the lake though."

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."