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Joke of the Day

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."

"After a year of anal only sex with my girlfriend... You never know what is gonna come through that hole"

"What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed? Me neither. Help."

"Why was Karl Marx arrested for brewing a cup of Earl Grey? Because all proper tea is theft."

"I bought myself a snail to race other snails.. I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish"

"My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen"

"Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus."

"What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip?? Juan."

"Chris Rock and Drake Bell should make a Christmas special together, about making a song for a product... ...and call it ""Jingle Bell Rock."""

"Country music is like a vacuum. . . As soon as you turn it off it stops sucking."