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Joke of the Day
"Me and my brother buried the hatchet last night! We dumped the hooker in the lake though."
Next Joke
"There's a button on this hotel phone that says, ""Pizza"". I may never leave."
"What colour T-shirt would win a race? Red, because it runs the most."
"What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs? A Dell."
"I'm not self medicating myself with booze. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription. Well he called it a receipt...whatever."
"Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."
"Your first follower has given you away, parody account."
"when you're a kid you're like ""how do actors cry so easily?"" and when you grow up you're like ""how is anyone ever not crying?"""
"The main reason I got married is that I really hate driving.."
"I feel like if there ever was a zombie apocalypse I'm so numb to them at this point I wouldn't even bat an eye."