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Joke of the Day

"The sexy 21yr old woman that lives nextdoor to me just knocked on my door and accused me of stealing underwear from her washing line... ...i almost shit her pants!"

"The girl next to me in traffic was texting and driving so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants."

"""What about this? What about this? And this?""--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer."

"Go into a bathroom stall and write: ""For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."""

"My pregnant wife just confessed she listens to R&B I'm uncertain if I should break up with her in text or just let her figure it out."

"*being wrestled away from mall santa by security* u hav TWO WEEKS until deadline and ur out here doing PHOTO OPS?! WHOS DOINGE THE REAL WORK"

"Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn't leaving the ring."

"I hope the rain keeps up so it won't come down."

"So I heard that Israel recently passed a law to cap banker's salaries... It'll be repealed within 8 to 9 days."