122774

Joke of the Day

"Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants."

"THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this."

"Why did the Hawaiian Hipster burn to death? He walked on lava before it was cool."

"Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon? They only come in quarts(z)"

"""What did Fifty Cent say to his Grandmother when she made him a sweater?"" ""GEE, YOU KNIT!?!?"""

"I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it."

"Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player. What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand."

"Today, I saw a black guy wave to an Asian from across the street. It gives me hope for the future... Rush Hour 4!"

"What is a ghost's favorite type of porn? Boo-kakke."

"The Class of 2019"