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Joke of the Day

"*scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk* ""Wait just one damn minute"" - How horchata was born"

"Everybody thinks ""The Social Network"" is the best movie about forming a new startup, but they are wrong. The best movie is ""Ghostbusters""."

"Daddy! I am hungry! I want to eat! You should be ashamed, son. When I was your age, I wanted to be an astronaut."

"Why doesn't Ronald Reagan drink orange juice? Because he's dead."

"Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder? A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck."

"YES! The receipts at CVS are very long. We know, they know, everybody knows!"

"The best part of being an adult is eating whatever you want. I just ate a small man that pissed me off at the liquor store."

"I wish my girlfriend went down as much... as the pound did last night."

"Girl are you a plumber? Cause i wanna make you moen"

"What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle? **WRONG.** ^... ^or ^^right, ^^^or ^^^^something ^^^^^in ^^^^^^between."