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Joke of the Day

"Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder? A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck."

"I bought a lottery ticket the other day. I didn't win anything. I've come to the conclusion that the lottery is a bunch of balls."

"I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe!"

"I used to be into S&M. And necrophilia. And bestiality. Then I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"My Acquaintance said he'd make a better electrician than me. I told that cunt I wouldn't be too phased."

"Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too."

"The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. ""Too pudgy to be a terminator"" says one woman."

"""Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"" *Hitler rubs chin* So mine less [Grammar Nazi busts in] ""MINE FEWER"" [Hitler looks up] Yes?"

"I told my friend about the Muslim slave trade the other day... ""Dubai?"" He asked ""Yes, and sell"" I replied."

"Carl: Everybody was Kung fu fighting! Doug: um, I don't know Kung f-- Carl: except for Doug from accounting"