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Joke of the Day

"[bed] ME: [with one foot poking out of the covers] Monsters could get me ME: [pulling foot under covers] I am now completely safe"

"Good news for insomniacs! Only one more sleep until Christmas!"

"My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket"

"""This team looks good,"" said my son of the somewhat browner soccer team who were not yet playing soccer. #racist"

"Bonnie said I should join the Facebook like she did. Said its good way to get in touch with friends. Lord, at my age I'd need a ouija board"

"The Queen doesn't like to speak about the paedophiles in her court... They're all touchy subjects."

"Why is a bulimic's favorite restaurant KFC? Cause it comes with a bucket."

"Why didn't the electron leave it's house? Because it was grounded."

"Girl are you a prescription from my doctor 'cause you might be good for me but I can't read you at all."

"'I'm sorry' and ""My bad"" mean the same thing ... except at a funeral."