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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine. oops wrong sub."

"If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don't be open."

"[SPELLING BEE] JUDGE: Tim, your word is ""Oak"" TIM: [deep breath] Ok *BUZZER* T: What th J: So close! It's O-'A'-K T: But... J: Hard luck, kid"

"An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman... An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman get into a cab. The driver turns around and says ""Sorry gents I'm Muslim, I can't take a joke."""

"Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid ""Giant Douchebag?"""

"Have you heard how busy the Samsung customer care lines are? Their phones are blowin' up!"

"What is posthumous work ? Something written by someone after they are dead !"

"Just spent an hour attempting to explain to my 3 year the difference between Baltimore and Voldemort."

"Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?"

"If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let me call people."