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Joke of the Day

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"A negative times a negative is a positive... So if they say, ""no"", twice, it ain't rape."

"Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... ""One liter of water."" it read. Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair ""This speaks volumes..."""

"This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?"

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap her!"

"Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty."

"My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed. Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists."

"what kind of sunglasses doe Janay Rice wear? Ray-Bans!"

"SECURITY GUARD: ""Sir, I have to check all backpacks"" ME: ""ok"" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*"

"Warring nations should hurl their politicians at each other."