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Joke of the Day

"90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math."

"Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try"

"If white guys are day drinking, it's inevitable that they're going to start wrestling at some point later that night."

"I'm not racist because... I'd rather be black, than asian."

"Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon? It don't need cleaning!"

"What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees"

"What I said : Just a trim, please. What hairdresser must've heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un."

"Why can't the blonde get her drivers license? Everytime the car stops, she wants to jump in the backseat."

"Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner. Brother: Why? Is it broken?"

"George R.R. martins House words should be ""Book is coming"" because he keeps saying it but it never seems to actually happen."