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Joke of the Day

"I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic."

"There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."

"I hate girls who insert the phrase ""my boyfriend"" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend."

"My grocery store keeps rearranging the produce section. If I need to work this hard to find bananas, there better be a damn tropical breeze!"

"At least a zombie would love me for my brain."

"Two crows walk into a bar. Before they can order their first drink, they get arrested for attempted murder."

"two flies, eating dinner So two flies are eating a piece of shit. The first fly farts. The second fly looks over, disgusted, and says ""ummm...excuse me...I'm eating here...""."

"A new study of dolphins was recently performed... The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them."

"My reddit secret santa gave me what I have really been wanting for quite some time now.... They fucked me."

"Why did the Hydroxyl molecule blow up the US Mint? It was a Free Radical."