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Joke of the Day

"In the Men's Room, I hate pooping next to others... funny because i enjoy being amongst my peers."

"Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, ""I'll give you something to cry about"" We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market."

"1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!"

"You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it."

"Why did the girlfriend of a guy trying to pay down $20K in debt leave him? No eating out."

"What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution? Something you do for the first week of the new year."

"What did the mother say to the pedophile at the beach? ""Get out of my sun!"""

"OH MY GOD THE INSPIRATIONAL TWEETS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE"

"How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup? Brazilians!"

"I just bought an answering machine and it doesn't work. Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions."