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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush."

"Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B"

"I agree with Trump and Clinton, Neither one is qualified to be president."

"Which country has many spaces to put your car in? Park-istan!"

"I'm so poor... I can't even **pay** attention"

"I always wanted to try juggling... I just never had the balls to."

"It's weird how opposites attract, like red wine & a new shirt"

"I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people."

"""Almost there."" - liars"

"That awkward moment when... When Mars has more water than California..."