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Joke of the Day

"I need some help with my Halloween costume. I'm dressing up as Ebola and I want to make sure everyone gets it."

"(Date) Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks. Her: You mean panic attacks? Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop"

"Where do Dalmatians get their music from? Spotify."

"I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house. ""Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."" Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook."

"If there's one thing I'm better at than everyone else... It's humility."

"how does every racist joke start? with a look over your shoulder."

"I entered my 10 best puns into a joke competition, hoping they'd win ... No pun in ten did"

"Where do footballers dance ? At a football !"

"I skipped 9 puns and killed the last one... That's a pun in ten dead."

"Imagine William Shakespeare in a swimming pool, perplexed and terrified as children just splash the shit out of him"