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Joke of the Day

"Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to ""THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"""

"That was actually pretty funny. But, I don't like you. Therefore, I will not laugh."

"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"

"Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order? Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea."

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer..... ........ than the men who mention it."

"If you give a man a PS4, he will play for a day. If that man buys the PS4 he will not shower for 2 months."

"My Thai wife has got a penis the size of a tubular bell... I love her long chime."

"Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose ""Superpower is unbreakable skin. Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution! -Danish Anwar"

"The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise? Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!"

"My penis is like a shotgun I pump, shoot and reload"