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Joke of the Day

"Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed? Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me."

"My kid just told me all she wants for Christmas is a bell so she can ""make lots of money like the man outside walmart."""

"Speaking of jokes that aren't funny cut it out with the abortion ones"

"Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma."

"I want to die of natural causes like being stabbed to death by a rainforest."

"I was pissed when I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. Not as pissed as the girl I was trying to take pics of though."

"A rouge English cavalier from the Middle Ages is magically sent into the future to depose Thailand's most ruthless dictator. One knight in Bangkok makes a hard man humble."

"At my funeral, feed me into a woodchipper and point it at the mourners"

"Whenever I'm getting off a plane I like to go up to the pilot, lean in really close and whisper ""I had my phone on that whole time."""

"In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants."