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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?"

"After I finish a sentence say, ""I'm a man."" You go to the bar and think to yourself."

"President Trump! What about the aliens from space? We need a ROOF!"

"I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college"

"Waiter: Did you save room for dessert? Me: Not really, I'm stuffed Waiter: Ok, I'll bring the check Me: I'll have the chocolate cake."

"Choosing between Trader Joe's and Whole Foods is white people's real Twilight."

"How do you make holy water from just plain water? You boil the hell out of it."

"Why are there no suicide books on librarys? because those who take them never bring them back."

"My favorite German children's story is that one where some unspeakably terrifying thing happens to teach a minor lesson."

"What is the most abundant spice in Africa? Paprika."