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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?"

"A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."

"What's it called when you sneak into a homosexual wedding? A gay-tecrash Dad joke, right there"

"*licks stamp* hmmm tastes weird *mails letter* hmmm mailbox had wings *drives home on flying monkey* hmmm that wasn't a stamp"

"What is the difference between straight and bisexual? A 6 pack and a backrub"

"Actual voice mail: ""Molly, this is your mother. I just texted you but I don't know how to make the facey-things so...happy face at the end."""

"If PETA is upset about Lady Gaga's meat dress, wait until they hear about what people do to that stuff in restaurant kitchens."

"Knock Knock! **Knock Knock** Who's there? **Britney Spears** Britney Spears who? **Knock Knock** Who's there? **Oops I did it again!**"

"""May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?"" ""Um, there's no such thing."" ""There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"""

"If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it."