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Joke of the Day

"Got caught smelling my sisters underwear yesterday. Made the rest of her funeral very fucking awkward."

"What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth? Synthia"

"I saw a squirrel pooping the other day. Shit's Nuts..."

"I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's"

"i take valium & viagra so if i dont get a fuck i dont give a fuck"

"Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370..... who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment."

"Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box."

"Does advertisement work? Just did."

"I hate when people say my skirt looks slutty.. Like, who cares if my balls hang out a little?"

"""Captain, have you ever made love at sea?"" ""No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."""