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Joke of the Day

"Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370..... who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment."

"If I hold one moth ball in my right hand and another moth ball in my left, what do I have? A bloody big moth!"

"The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself ""This changes everything""."

"WATER POLO INSTRUCTOR: ""Are you sure you know what you're doing?"" ME: [Adjusting the mask & snorkel on my horse] ""Of course I do."""

"So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating?"

"Did you know Achilles was a runway model? He was fired because of his walk. He had a problem with heels."

"How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just 1 but it will take 3 episodes."

"""So tell me more about yourse-PUT DOWN MY FRIES IF YOU WANT TO WALK OUT OF HERE WITH ALL 4 LIMBS INTACT."" - What not to say on a first date."

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"""IT'S A BOY!"" I shouted. ""A BOY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY!"" And with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel..."