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Joke of the Day
"Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home"
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"[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver"
"I was walking down the street one day and saw a young black man carrying a bike... And thought to myself ""is that mine?"" Then I remembered no. Mine's at home doing the dishes."
"What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar? I've seen herbivore."
"Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field."
"""fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u"" - a goldfish :("
"[one month later] Sorry, just got your text. Do you still want to break up?"
"It's funny how you can tell when someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when someone likes you."
"Did you hear the one about the shrimp throwing a fit? He was just being tempuramental."
"A novice asked his zen master if it's ok for Buddhists to use email. The master answered: ""Yes. But no attachments."""