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Joke of the Day

"I was walking down the street one day and saw a young black man carrying a bike... And thought to myself ""is that mine?"" Then I remembered no. Mine's at home doing the dishes."

Next Joke
 
"My shy father was killed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."
"Damn, i got hit with the ""we need to talk"" from my wife. Thank God it was just about divorce. I was scared shitless it was an intervention."
"Kids: *doing something they shouldn't* Me: Stop or I'll be mad Kids: *keep doing it* Me: Stop or Mom will be mad Kids:*stop immediately*"
"Why couldn't the NSA leave their houses? They got Snowden."
"I heard that the cemetery is pretty popular.. Everyone's dying to get in."
"People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars."
"[being carried away by a colony of ants] haha nice let's see where this goes"
"Did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium are dating now? OMg !!!"
"What is the fastest insect in the World? ""Lice"" Why? ... Because it is latching on a running Cheetah."