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Joke of the Day

"Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma."

"The news said a condom truck overturned, spilled its huge load and made a big mess. I don't know if it got cleaned up because I fell asleep."

"I was with a blind prostitute today and she said I was the biggest she had ever had. She was just pulling my leg."

"[at library] ME: Yes, I'd like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe. LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor ME: Get it? L: This is dialog, I'm not reading it"

"JUDGE: So to be clear, you're pleading not guilty to stealing the child's shoes? ME: [heelies up to the mic] That's correct"

"A Comparison What is the difference between a women's track team and a pack of gerbils? The gerbils are a bunch of cunning runts."

"How to be popular on Pokemon Go in New York. Go in a middle of Manhattan while playing Pokemon Go and yell with the top of your lungs; CHARIZARD ,CHARIZARD!!"

"I missed the first day of Fight Club But the second day was really enjoyable, I would recommend it."

"Go deep throat a cactus."

"My daughter, a hair stylist, has a tiny pair of scissors tattooed behind her ear with tiny red teardrops for clients she accidently stabbed."