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Joke of the Day

"[Marvel Avengers Age of Ultron Spoilers] If Captain Americas shield is made of Vibranium what is Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver"

"What do you call it when a signal processing firm quickly remodels their entryway? A fast foyer transform!"

"I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It's my day off, but I like to keep him informed."

"I decided to write a joke about restraining orders. This is the closest I could get."

"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?"

"Pink Panther's to do list: to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo!"

"How many hours A guys asked he's wife ""how many hours will it take me to get to 80 miles going 80mph"" the wife looks at him confused and answers ""80 hours"""

"It's a joke. What type of bagel can fly? A plain bagel."

"The last time I got a piece of ass ... My finger broke through the toilet paper"

"Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it's the kids."