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Joke of the Day

"You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands... For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry."

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

"I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!"

"I tried this new oral contraceptive I asked a girl to have sex with me and she said no"

"Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what"

"Spidy nonsense Sometimes I feel like spider man. Once I had Gwen Stacy, now I just have Mary Jane."

"You can't make a squid cake... But you can make an octopi."

"A young couple are in bed for the very first time The guy asks "" Are you nervous?""--- ""Yes "" she says.--- ""Is this your first time?""--- ""No, i've been nervous before"""

"The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight."

"Why are French overweight homosexuals always tired? Because they are fatty gay"