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Joke of the Day

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

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"What's the difference between a Fig and a Fig Newton? A Fig Newton is Force sensitive."
"Your husband's super cute, is he single?"
"Steve Irwin died the same way he lived... With animals in his heart"
"Ray Rice and Janay Rice go together..... like peanut butter..and whatever punches peanut butter in the face"
"Handgun owners have a 2% increased rate of suicide. If we could get that up to 10%, Democrats stand a chance in 2020."
"Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ""You man the guns, I'll drive."""
"[mean joke to girls from guys] I really hope you get the hottest boyfriend So I have a chance on hot girls"
"The whole world loves the dairy-farmer Saudi Prince. He's brown-skinned, sweet, great with kids but drinks Old English 800 all day... ... but hey, everyone loves a chocolate malted milk sheik!"
"Build-A-Bear won't let you stuff your animal with asbestos or bees so what's the point"