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Joke of the Day
"swallow..."
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"How many Vietnam Veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN, BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE..!!!"
"My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers... ... So, I did. She's 21 and her name is Megan. PS: Even though the joke is in first person, nobody told me to get a penis enlarger."
"Today at work, at my desk, my boss offered me a handjob... It's okay though, I'm self employed."
"How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up as an Altar Boy"
"My New Years resolution is to not make a New Years resolution. I figure I am going to fuck it up anyway... I may as well do it from the start."
"Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as ""Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."""
"I thought I'd spent all night disco dancing with this girl in a club. But apparently she was deaf and telling me to f*ck off'."
"My last girlfriend was a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody."
"You guy want to hear a joke about a cat? Nah. I'm just kitten."