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Joke of the Day

"When I die I want to pass like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like the other people in his car."

"I'm living proof that you should never give up hope. You may find this hard to believe, given my current level of sheer awesomeness, but I was once a pathetic loser like you. Be strong."

"build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor... And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, ""Still not as good as Monica's."""

"The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end."

"[creation] GOD: You will each have a flaw BAT: I am blind SNAKE: I am deaf DOG: My breath is a little bad"

"Liam Gallagher was never good in science. When asked to name 3 chemical elements, he said ""Gold and silver and sunshine."""

"What do you call a dumb elephant? Donald Trunk"

"Do you know what ""clitoris"" is in French? Me neither, but I had it on the tip of my tongue yesterday."

"What did Mike Tyson call the groom with cold feet? A Puthy"