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Joke of the Day

"What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life? Well it pizza heck out of me."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog !"

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot"

"Apparently Bill Clinton is so sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day."

"So when you play a wind instrument.... Do you suck, or blow? My Dad made that one up, so I can't take the credit :P"

"Why is the Joker's makeup like a whitewashed tomb, his lips like torn paper, his eyes like burning suns? Because when he was young, the Joker's father said ""Let's put a simile on that face!"""

"How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed!"

"And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest pulled out his tie and wet his pants."

"Don't be part of the problem, be the whole problem"

"What's bloody and painful and happens once a month? Flossing"